From Stress to Strength: Reclaiming What You Can Control

Freedom is to Focus on What you Can Control

In my executive coaching room, I often meet leaders who arrive with a heavy sense of frustration or emotional fatigue. Something has happened at work that shook their confidence or disrupted their momentum—a reorganization that impacted their role, the loss of a major client, an unexpected performance rating, the behaviour of a peer or boss, or a promotion that didn’t materialize despite months of effort.

They come in asking “Why is this happening?”, “What did I do wrong?”, or “What could I have done differently?”—and underneath those questions sits something deeper: guilt, helplessness, or the fear of losing control.

What they often don’t realize when they walk into the session is this: they are already doing the right thing by reaching out. And that’s where I begin.

The Power of a Grateful Opening

I always start these conversations with genuine gratitude:

“Thank you for reaching out. Thank you for trusting me with what you’re experiencing.”

This simple acknowledgment shifts my clients' energy instantly. Instead of feeling judged or inadequate, my clients feel appreciated and safe—ready to share honestly.

Then I ask a question I learned from my own mentor coach:

“What would be important for you to share today when we have come together?”

It is one of the most liberating openings I’ve found. There is no pressure, no predefined structure, no expectation. It gives them freedom—to start anywhere, express anything, and release what they’ve been holding inside.

And so they begin to unpack their story.

When the Mind Fixates on What’s Outside Our Control

Often, what troubles leaders most is not the event itself but the sense of powerlessness around it.Many frustrations stem from things they cannot directly influence:

• Other people’s decisions

• A boss’s behaviour

• Organizational politics

• Timing of promotions or budgets

• Macro-level business outcomes

When everything feels outside their control, it’s no wonder they feel stuck.

That’s when I introduce a question that consistently creates breakthroughs:

“What power do you have in this situation?”

I ask this gently and with curiosity—not as a challenge, but as an invitation.At first, many clients pause. They’ve been so focused on what others did that they haven’t considered their own agency.

So I build further:

“Let’s explore this together—what is within your control?”

This is where the shift begins.

Reclaiming Control: The Client’s Own List of Possibilities

When clients begin listing the things they can control, the energy in the room changes.

They might mention:

• Actions they can take now

• Conversations they can initiate

• How they choose to respond

• New boundaries they could set

• Skills they can build

• Mindsets they can adopt

• Affirmations that ground them

• Ways to influence without forcing outcomes

As they speak, they often surprise themselves with the length and creativity of the list. I acknowledge and celebrate this:

“Look at how many possibilities you just created.”

This validation strengthens the empowerment that’s beginning to take shape.

Then I ask:

“Which of these would you like to implement first?”

This turns reflection into action.And action restores motivation, clarity, stability—and hope.

The Moment Everything Clicks

There is always a point in the session where the client’s eyes soften, their posture shifts, and they exhale for what feels like the first time in days.

It’s the moment they realize:

✔ They are not helpless.

✔ They do have choices.

✔ Their energy is better invested in what they can control.

✔ Other people’s actions do not have to determine their emotional state.

✔ When they operate from their power, everything feels lighter.

This is the breakthrough I deeply treasure as a coach.

The Lesson Leaders Take Away

I close many sessions with one final reflection:

“What did you learn about yourself today?”

The answers are often profound:

• “That I focus too much on what others do.”

• “That I don’t have to internalize every decision made around me.”

• “That I feel stronger when I focus on what’s in my control.”

• “That I can influence things without owning everything.”

• “That I can avoid regret by doing my best where I have power.”

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Leaders walk out calmer, more grounded, and more intentional—because they’ve reconnected with their own agency.

A Simple Framework Leaders Can Use Anytime

If you ever feel overwhelmed at work, try this three-step coaching framework yourself:

1. Pause and acknowledge how you feel.

Give yourself permission to feel frustrated, disappointed, or confused.

2. Ask: “What is in my control?”

Write it down—actions, conversations, mindsets, boundaries, next steps.

3. Choose one or two things to do next.

Start small. Act where you have real influence.

This shift from reaction to ownership is transformational—every time.

Final Thought

You cannot control everything that happens around you. But you can control how you respond. And in that space—your space of influence—lies your power, peace, and progress.

As a coach, my role is simply to help leaders rediscover that truth.

Call to Action:  Would you like to try a Coaching session to address a struggle that you are experiencing? Feel free to book a Discovery call from my site: www.SuccessSupport.ca